Stop the Madness

Really. I mean it. It has to stop. Now.

Wait. Did I mention what I was talking about? No? Okay. I'll say it. Gaucho pants. Yes. Gaucho pants. Now, I don't care that they're trendy and were on all the catwalks in Milan last year. I don't care that perfectly reputable stores and brands are marketing these frankenstein creations. I don't care that you think they look kicky with boots. They don't. They're abominations.

I'll come clean. I did have a pair of gaucho pants. When I was about nine. In third grade. Yes, they were denim. I begged and begged for them, and damn, I thought I was the shit in them. And I wore them for a year, and then they went out of fashion. Thank god. But I was...you know...nine.

I see perfectly respectable women in my building wearing gaucho suits. Trotting along in their pointy toe pumps (a rant for another time, because GOD they look uncomfortable, not to mention making someone with a size ten shoe size look like Sideshow Bob), and their...gaucho suits. I spotted a pair on The Apprentice last week, and no, it wasn't the fashion forward Alla who was wearing them.

I want to go to these women and ask, "Oh my god, did the dry cleaners shrink your pants?" Because that's what it looks like. And I'm honestly not sure which kind are worse: the ones that pretend that they're pants that, oops! accidentally got cut off at the knee, or the ones that are flowy and try to pretend that they're also skirts. I will say this, they all look bad on everybody. I realize that seventies fashions are back in, but really, this is one trend that could have gone unrevived, and I would have died a happy woman.

I mean, seriously. Capris I can deal with, but what's next? Jodhupurs?