Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Define "Classic"

American Movie Classics? We need to have a little conversation here. Becase I'm worried. Worried about your programming choices, which are, to put it kindly, inconsistent.

Exhibit A: Last weekend you showed a true classic. The Great Escape, starring Steve McQueen, Richard Attenborough, James Garner and Charles Bronson. It's a movie I've always meant to watch, but had never gotten around to. And suddenly I turned the channel, and there was Steve McQueen. And my very first thought was, "Sweet! It's just starting," and my second thought was, "Do I have any popcorn?" (I loved the movie, by the way. It inspired a little thought project, which is below.)

Exhibit B: Three nights later you showed Hard to Kill, starring Steven Segeal (aka Chipmunk Cheeks). It's a movie that I have managed to watch once all the way through, but have never been able to watch again. When it came on my first thought was, "Is AMC hard up for programming? Do they just show the cheapest movies they can? Because in what way does this movie have any enduring value? Is this really a movie I want to show my nieces and say, "This is an example of the best the movie industry at the time could give us."? I mean, unless AMC stands for "American Cheese," I don't want to see Chipmunk Cheeks on it.

Which brings us to my new favorite game: Recast the Movie. Inspired, of all people, by Jean Claude Van Damme, who, apparantly, wanted at one time to remake The Great Escape. Presumably starring himself as the Steve McQueen character. A more inapt casting i could not think of. And that got me thinking, who could you cast in a remake and make it good? And who could be miserably miscast to make a horrible remake?

It's not complete, and maybe not perfect, but it's my first thought on this.

Original Cast -- Good Recast -- Bad Recast
Steve McQueen -- Jude Law -- Jean Claude Van Damme
James Garner -- George Clooney -- Ben Affleck
Richard Attenborough Hugh Laurie Greg Kinnear
James Coburn -- Guy Pearce -- Heath Ledger
Charles Bronson -- Russell Crowe -- The Rock
Donald Pleasance -- Willie Garson -- David Cross
David McCallum -- Ewan McGregor -- David Hyde Pearce

Other suggestions welcome.


Blogger mickey said...

jude law?! aww come on maven!! no way in hell does jude law have a chance at playing that role. he is far to wimpy and pretty and delicate. i like jude law but not for that kind of role at all. i know that is your girly girl heart talking. lol. however, i could see russell crowe playing the role despite how much i despise him.

1:18 PM  
Blogger stalebREAD said...

i'm thinking maybe brad pitt for the good casting of steve mcqueen. i think he's the only current actor who can come close to the effortless cool that mcqueen exuded. otherwise, maybe owen wilson, he's cool too, but not quite laconic enough.

4:12 PM  
Blogger CultureMaven said...

But Mickey, I suggested Russell for the Charles Bronson character. But...okay, I can see Brad Pitt in the Steve McQueen role, though. That's not a bad suggestion. I think Russell Crowe is too rough for the Steve McQueen role.

6:51 PM  
Blogger stalebREAD said...

russell crowe is way not nearly as cool as mcqueen man, not in any universe.

2:51 PM  

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